it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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