Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
