You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
