Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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