That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
