i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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