I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
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