i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
