I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
You can't motorboat a personality
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
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