I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
