If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
