Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
honey bunches of taint.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
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