Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I intend to get homeless drunk
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
