I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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