something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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