you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
