I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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