my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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