I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
