I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
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