can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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