Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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