i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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