i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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