Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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