I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
