I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
babies were throwing up all over the place
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
