He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
