Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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