Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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