we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
