You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
