i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
