I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
