You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
