And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
