Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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