let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
