You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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