I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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