I'm lost and stupid without you.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
