You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
