that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
