I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Let's get the cat blown out
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
