Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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