he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
