When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
