Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
