I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
