i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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