I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
