I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
If its not for food we ain't going out.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
