why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
