I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
