i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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