I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
