I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
