thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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