u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Randomize
