My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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