this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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