We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
