her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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