nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
