Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I can't turn off my feet"
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize