saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
where does the pee come out of this thing
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
