I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
