I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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