so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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