I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
