My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
