i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
