i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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