I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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