you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
